Not Perfect & Not Good Enough

Alright. Hands up if you’ve been watching ABC’s The Bachelor this season? While I’ve been relatively sporadic about the rose-giving reality show, I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t sneak in an episode here and there on Hulu.

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Traditionally I tune-in to the drama-filled show after watching a terrifying, yet incredible, episode of Black Mirror.

What can I say, I need something light and airy before I hit the hay …

So, let’s get to it.

If you aren’t caught up on The Bachelor, the latest episode ended with only 6 ladies remaining, many tears shed and lacking a whole-lot-of-self-worth. Nick, ‘The Bachelor’, sent three women home due to ‘not feeling a connection’. My response? Completely valid. Don’t force relationships that aren’t there just to have it turn sour once the cameras turn off.

Reality is a [fill in a bad word here] when lavish trips to St. Thomas get replaced with overcrowded Market Basket outings. Oh and those hours spent lounging poolside? Yah, that becomes an afternoon of paying bills.

I digress … before America’s sweetheart shed a few tears and confessed his anxiety about not finding genuine love, I was bombarded by the saddening remarks these ‘sent home ladies’ had to say about themselves.

I guess I’m not perfect.

I’m not good enough.

They were clearly upset, sobbing in the limo or left solo on the beach. They have a camera stuck in their  face minutes after being rejected. Feeling sad and frustrated — again, undeniably valid — but stooping to a low place and stating that you’re not good enough? On national television?

Just, no.

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It is clear to me, while I watch these gorgeous and I’m sure educated women, that leaving home to be on The Bachelor was a major wager in their game of Life.

Think about it: Subletting an apartment, leaving a job / using up all of your vacation time / missing weddings, funerals and birthdays. All of these women packed up [multiple] bags and shipped out to CA for a chance at falling in love on reality TV.

I’m certainly not calling this crazy, I’m aware they signed up for this. In fact, I think this leap of faith is somewhat courageous. What I do not hold on such high a pedestal, however, is this negative self talk when it comes to men.

While I’m in a very positive and loving relationship now, my past dating history was not so sunny. I was ghosted / stood up / not called texted back / left hanging / ignored.

Bottom line: I was rejected many times.

Throughout it all, though, I made a pact to myself to never use the language, “I’m not ____ enough”.

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m funny enough.

I’m not good enough.

Have you been on Twitter lately? Googled ‘Lady Gaga Halftime Show’?

Trust me, there are enough of trolls cruising around the internet body-bashing and producing negative chatter. The last thing our society needs — or our young ladies watching — is to witness these types of self-talk.

You are enough.

And for Pete’s sake, don’t define your worth by the status of a relationship. You’re better than that. We’re better than that.

All I can hope is that deep down we know it. And that sometimes — especially when we’re tired / sunburnt / had too much to drink / or are shoved in front of a camera lens post-breakup — all we need is a little reminder.

P.S. You’re enough. 

-TTT