Not Perfect & Not Good Enough

Alright. Hands up if you’ve been watching ABC’s The Bachelor this season? While I’ve been relatively sporadic about the rose-giving reality show, I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t sneak in an episode here and there on Hulu.

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Traditionally I tune-in to the drama-filled show after watching a terrifying, yet incredible, episode of Black Mirror.

What can I say, I need something light and airy before I hit the hay …

So, let’s get to it.

If you aren’t caught up on The Bachelor, the latest episode ended with only 6 ladies remaining, many tears shed and lacking a whole-lot-of-self-worth. Nick, ‘The Bachelor’, sent three women home due to ‘not feeling a connection’. My response? Completely valid. Don’t force relationships that aren’t there just to have it turn sour once the cameras turn off.

Reality is a [fill in a bad word here] when lavish trips to St. Thomas get replaced with overcrowded Market Basket outings. Oh and those hours spent lounging poolside? Yah, that becomes an afternoon of paying bills.

I digress … before America’s sweetheart shed a few tears and confessed his anxiety about not finding genuine love, I was bombarded by the saddening remarks these ‘sent home ladies’ had to say about themselves.

I guess I’m not perfect.

I’m not good enough.

They were clearly upset, sobbing in the limo or left solo on the beach. They have a camera stuck in their  face minutes after being rejected. Feeling sad and frustrated — again, undeniably valid — but stooping to a low place and stating that you’re not good enough? On national television?

Just, no.

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It is clear to me, while I watch these gorgeous and I’m sure educated women, that leaving home to be on The Bachelor was a major wager in their game of Life.

Think about it: Subletting an apartment, leaving a job / using up all of your vacation time / missing weddings, funerals and birthdays. All of these women packed up [multiple] bags and shipped out to CA for a chance at falling in love on reality TV.

I’m certainly not calling this crazy, I’m aware they signed up for this. In fact, I think this leap of faith is somewhat courageous. What I do not hold on such high a pedestal, however, is this negative self talk when it comes to men.

While I’m in a very positive and loving relationship now, my past dating history was not so sunny. I was ghosted / stood up / not called texted back / left hanging / ignored.

Bottom line: I was rejected many times.

Throughout it all, though, I made a pact to myself to never use the language, “I’m not ____ enough”.

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m funny enough.

I’m not good enough.

Have you been on Twitter lately? Googled ‘Lady Gaga Halftime Show’?

Trust me, there are enough of trolls cruising around the internet body-bashing and producing negative chatter. The last thing our society needs — or our young ladies watching — is to witness these types of self-talk.

You are enough.

And for Pete’s sake, don’t define your worth by the status of a relationship. You’re better than that. We’re better than that.

All I can hope is that deep down we know it. And that sometimes — especially when we’re tired / sunburnt / had too much to drink / or are shoved in front of a camera lens post-breakup — all we need is a little reminder.

P.S. You’re enough. 

-TTT

A New Routine

Phew. Well, it’s certainly not summer anymore! My new job has proved (over and over again) to be the absolute right decision for me and best career path I could ever ask for …

Teaching young high schoolers how to feel comfortable in a weight room, to not focus on the number on the scale and most importantly that fitness can be fun has been extremely rewarding. Oh, and chaperoning the Junior service trip to NYC left me with more hilarious stories about teenagers  than I ever could have imagined … plus a couple of headaches.

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This fall has also tested my ability to maintain balance with freelance work (clients, teaching classes, etc.) and spending time with friends/family. And meeting a pretty spectacular guy … Yes, you read that correctly.

But quit your prying … I’ll dive into deeper detail at a later date.

Between ALL of these new things, I’ve learned this fall was about putting myself first and discovering a new routine. Doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and spending my precious free time exploring — hiking, rock climbing, traveling, going to the movies and binge-watching Hulu Rom-Coms like it was my job.

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How else did I make myself a priority? I cancelled ClassPass. Nothing against the discount boutique studio site, but with zero free time during the week and traveling on the weekends getting through my 5 classes/month was much more challenging than it seemed.

Savings: $65/Month. Win.

Bottom line: Life can throw you some crazy curve balls — good or bad. They can make your life insanely busy and flip your routine on it’s hiney. Instead of stressing out (which I do my fair share of … ) it’s about reevaluating the things that make you the MOST happy.

For me …

  • not completing my 5 classes on CP was causing anxiety. Cancel.
  • coming home after weekends away left me feeling out of sync. Rethink and relax.

What works for you? Is your current routine satisfying or making you cray-cray? Share away!

-TTT

One Year Later & One Hundred Times Stronger

You know the feeling.

It’s summer, you’ve been sitting in a hot car, wearing shorts and sweating. You begin to peel yourself off the once seemingly comfortable black leather interior. As you start to scoot on the seat you immediately know the level of pain that is about to follow.

Similar to ripping off a band aid … do you do it all at once to avoid the slow, agonizing pain? Or do you methodically inch yourself away, mentally preparing as every single morsel of skin feels as though it’s being torn off.

Why the heck do I bring this up?

Because last year — exactly 365 days ago — I was faced with a similar feeling.

After being dealt a pretty crappy hand — i.e. getting laid off from my job — I had two options; slowly peel myself off the burning black leather or jump out of the car quickly before my brain could catch up to the discomfort.

Luckily I chose the latter and I believe I’m stronger for it.

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One year later and there have been a multitude of forks along my path. A series of bumps in my road.

I’ve applied for jobs, signed up for LinkedIn Premium, perfected my Care.com account, gone on dates and left dates early. I’ve been ‘ghosted’ … by guys and career leads. And on rare occasions I’ve been the one initiating the rejecting; when I knew I deserved better.

Bottom line: From professional to personal, this year has been one of growth. And while it may seem scary to some, I’ve spent a great deal of the past 12 months … alone. It’s been in these moments of solitude that I’ve made the most impactful decisions. One’s that have rerouted my journey. This solo-time has assured me that the difficult decisions were the right ones and the path I’m paving for myself is built with consideration, concentration and most importantly, patience.

So whether you’re dealing with a breakup, bad job or one of life’s many hiccups, it’s important to remember that you’re the one in control. Rip off the bandaid, peel those sweaty legs off the leather seat and start making some moves. A lot — I repeat — a lot can happen in a year.

Trust the process and find strength in each step.

-TTT